In such cases, living amends—ongoing changes in behavior, attitudes, and daily actions—become an alternative way to show accountability and a commitment to sobriety. Whether or not you’re intimately familiar with the Twelve Steps of AA, you’ve probably heard of Step Nine. Making Amends with Others has positioned itself in the public eye to a degree that many of the other eleven steps haven’t. That’s because it attempts to rectify the outward consequences of the disease. The 9th Step is a crucial and transformative part of the recovery journey in Alcoholics Anonymous. It requires more than just a simple apology; it involves taking concrete actions to rectify past wrongs and demonstrating a commitment to change.
What’s Next After Step 9?
As I continue to open my heart and mind, little by little, one day at a time, I reveal my True Self, mend my relationships and touch God. There are a lot of fearful feelings before, during and after making amends in the ninth step. While working step nine it’s really important to understand that the way things feel is not necessarily the way things are. Because we are feeling afraid we assume that this means we truly have something to fear. To prepare for this step it’s a good idea to let go of all our expectations about how our amends will or should turn out. You’ve probably already discovered that by staying clean and sober and by working the Twelve Steps of AA that things are getting better.
Examples of Making Amends in Recovery
We stop thinking about our lives in terms of what we don’t have and begin to appreciate the gifts that we receive every single day. And finally, we are very aware that in order to keep this feeling of freedom, we’ll need to keep on applying what we’ve learned while working the steps. When we do this this we gain a new perspective and the promises of the Ninth Step come true in our lives. After embracing a sober lifestyle, you continue to live well and treat family and friends as they should be treated. You can’t erase the past, but with long-term sobriety, you can rebuild trust, repair relationships, and be close to your loved ones again. Living amends can take a lot of time but can be what is a living amends some of the most rewarding.
- At this point in our step work we may be trudging the road to happy destiny, but we’ve reached the point where we must repair what we left behind us on a path of shattered relationships.
- With proper treatment, individuals can become sober and turn their lives around.
- If you need evidence, consider the fact that you’re working so hard to change and to become a better individual.
- This can be disheartening, but it’s important to practice patience and persistence, as making amends is often a gradual process.
- Sometimes stepping back is the best way you can make amends.
Navigating the Process of Making Amends in Recovery
Our primary purpose is to provide a forum for discussing the A.A. Fellowship, its 12-step program of recovery, and related topics. Many of us find it helpful to reflect on our amends after making each one. Some of us do this by writing about how it felt to make the amends and what we learned from the experience. Guilt and shame are the unnecessary chains that bind us to our past.
How to Address Isolation and Loneliness in Sobriety
It takes strength and courage to own up to our mistakes, and when necessary, make restitutions. It is another rewarding part of our recovery journey and brings us closer to the gift of freedom. We gain humility as a result of taking a good look at the damage we did to others (and ourselves) and accepting responsibility for it.
Components of a heartfelt apology
- Even if you want to justly or correct, allow them the right to express their experiences, feelings and thoughts about the harm.
- In Celebrate Recovery Step 8, we learned all about making a list of amends.
- Phrases like “I’m sorry for how I spoke to you” must not include excuses or justifications.
- Each program is designed to exceed industry standards and provide the highest quality care.
- There are many profound differences between giving someone an apology and making amends with them.
We risk failure if we approach this Step with expectations of how our amends will turn out. What most of us wanted in the way of amends from another was to have that person acknowledge their part in harming us. We also wanted our feelings and our perception of the incident acknowledged. And if we were to continue in a relationship with this person, we wanted them to behave differently towards us. And so we arrived at a method of making amends – to acknowledge our harmful behavior and the other person’s feelings in the matter and to follow that with a change in our own behavior. While doing our amends and experiencing being forgiven, we begin to see the value in extending it to others.
Allow them to express their feelings, and validate their experiences without becoming defensive. Identifying individuals harmed by past actions requires deep self-reflection. This process nurtures empathy, facilitating better communication when intending to make amends. Great care should be taken, as reactions from those drug addiction approached can vary greatly—some may be receptive, while others may not wish to engage. Making amends is one of the most important parts of 12 step programs.
Step Nine Spiritual Principles: Always A Good Day For Humble Pie
Making amends in recovery is challenging, and individuals in recovery may encounter various obstacles. This can lead to a breakdown in communication, increased conflict, financial strain, and a profound loss of trust within the family unit. Once you have completed step 9, it’s time to move on to step 10. Step 10 in AA asks you to take a personal inventory of how far you’ve come. It also asks you to reflect on where you are in the present and your day-to-day life.
What Does the Bible Say About Drug Addiction
A sober living community can allow you to return to a semi-normal life, but at the same time, the environment it provides gives you the accountability you need to remain sober. Some of us expect personal accountability first from those who have harmed us. We believe our pain will be relieved if other people make amends too.
